Being in love is one of the most exciting and frightening human experiences. Falling in love indicates a loss of control over one’s emotions, but it is frequently yearned for and desired by many. Meet someone like them, get a dopamine high, and then everything is OK, right? But what if the path to eternal bliss has kinks? Unexpected twists and turns that endanger the present and future love you’ve fought so hard for? Many couples seek help to understand and smooth out these kinks, improve or rebuild their emotional connection, and in other instances, find that the locks are irreparable rips in the relationship’s fabric.
You are not alone in missing love. On average, 45 percent of couples go to therapy before getting married to ensure they make the “right choice.” The correct decision? How can you tell whether your relationship has staying power? Couples therapy is a beautiful location to explore this YOGI TIMES.
Couples Therapy Reasons
Couples come to therapy with the following issues, in addition to the questions mentioned above:
Intimacy loss, sexual or emotional
Changing from child to parent or empty nester
Abuse, addiction, or severe mental disease in a relationship may also indicate that it requires outside help. Seek expert assistance or find more information and support here.
Before Starting Couples Therapy
If you’re thinking about beginning couples counseling for any of the above reasons or others, ask yourself these questions:
What do I want to gain? Is it to solve a problem, discuss divorce, develop healthy relationship skills, or do I want a therapist to tell my spouse everything they need to change about themselves? (Hint: we don’t.)
When? Is it too late, and I’m simply doing it to say we tried it? Do I want to be proactive? What happened? Why am I doing this now?
Am I willing to invest time, money, and emotional energy? Therapy is hard work, but the rewards should exceed the costs. Plus, couples counseling is cheaper than divorce.
Another essential but complex consideration is if you feel any of your relationship problems stem from personal concerns. For example, maybe you’re a trauma victim, or your communication issues extend to other aspects of your life. In these situations, we frequently suggest individual treatment before or after couples therapy. May be welcome partner into individual treatment sessions to offer valuable information or insight.
Typical problems include:
Difficult upbringing or complex family dynamics
Trouble talking with people other than your partner
A psychiatric label
If any of the issues mentioned above need individual treatment, focusing on them may still significantly improve your relationship. If you’ve observed an unhealthy trend in several of your relationships, not just this one, then individual counseling may be an excellent place to start. Many of us base our relationships on what we observed growing up, which may not be healthy or suitable for us now. Individual therapy is a beautiful place to examine how childhood trauma impacts how a person sees others and themselves. Learning to be wholly present and involved with others, being vulnerable, and having more understanding of yourself will surely improve your relationship.
Will couples therapy compel me to stay?
As a couples therapist, I often remind my clients that I am not in the business of keeping couples together. It’s usually more acceptable and healthier to assist a team to achieve a peaceful separation and divorce if that’s their desire. What if I’m not sure? Great couples counseling explores uncertainty, uncertainties, concerns, and anxieties. It’s not uncommon for teams to come in with entirely different objectives for counseling. Establishing a safe place to examine these issues and why it’s challenging to address them alone is essential. Have fundamental trust issues arisen? Can’t you see and be seen by your partner? What would it mean for our family, children, etc., if I left? If you identify with these questions, talk to your spouse about attending couples counseling.
If you both decide that separation is the next step, couples counseling may help you plan for it. Choosing who will leave the house, discuss how to discuss it with children, co-parent, and share with relatives and friends are complex issues. In the secure environment of couples counseling, I can assist you better understand your future individual and couple requirements.
How do I begin?
Deciding to seek couples counseling is frequently one of the most difficult. You’ve already begun investigating the concept by reading this blog article.
My initial request is for couples to schedule a free phone consultation (typically together, but occasionally separately) to determine whether we’re a good match. Then, when we agree to start couples counseling, we arrange a 90-minute intake with all three to discuss their issues. Other subjects addressed during a piece of information include:
Relationship history and first issues: I want to know more about your connection and when it started. A significant life change? Shared trauma (i.e., the loss of a child). Also, how is your relationship?
I will also inquire if there are any interpersonal violence (IPV) problems that I should be aware of. I do this for many reasons: first, I want to evaluate if dealing with this couple would bring up issues that jeopardize their safety. For example, would it be safe if a couple has a history of IPV and adultery is revealed during couples therapy? Second, if I suspect IPV, I will talk to each partner individually to evaluate the danger to themselves and any children.
As previously said, our families often influence our relationships with our partners. Let’s speak about attachment types, trauma, communication styles, vulnerability, validation, and emotional closeness or distance. I’ll learn about this during the intake, but we’ll go further in couples counseling.
What are your couples therapy goals? Can I help? Teams often come in with different objectives or are uncertain where to begin, much alone what they want to gain from our time together. I can help! During an intake, we typically spend a lot of time setting objectives together.